Wednesday, August 22, 2012

5 Corporate Phrases That Need to Die

Here are 5 super annoying and overused corporate america sayings that that are so ubiquitous, they might just give us all scabies.

1.) "Touch the customer"

Really people, touch the customer? This sounds like some sort of euphemism for hiding the fact that corporate america is full of deviants. What are we, a bunch of molesters?

 Perhaps, we're slightly less depraved and simply have a poking fetish.

2.) "Let's take that offline"

If I hear this phrase one more time I'm going to puke on whoever says it. Can't we all just be normal for 5 seconds and say "let's talk about it later"? And what on earth is offline anyway?

3.) "Forward Thinking"

What does this even mean? Is this for when good old fashioned thinking just won't cut it, because forward thinking is superior in some way? Perhaps this means we should be facing forward while thinking, ensuring our thoughts are not misconstrued as backwards or sideways or simply "just thoughts", which we all know are of lesser quality.

4.) "Think outside the box"

Let me demonstrate why this is such a dumb phrase.

5.) "How full is your plate/Do you have bandwidth?"

I didn't realize we were now using plates and rubber bands to keep our work organized. Since you asked, my plate is actually quite full. Guess that mean's there's no room for your crap. Take a look for yourself.

Have any other favorite quotes to add? I'll illustrate those too.


  1. The idea of corporate douchebags playing "I'm not touching yooou..." made me laugh out loud. Awesome.

  2. Totally agree with "offline" and "bandwidth." This is a conversation, not the World Wide Web! I particularly hate when I'm in a meeting and someone says "I'm an ideas person." What that really means is "I have an idea, but I'm lazy and your supervisor, so you have to make my lame idea a reality."