You Only Wish You Were This Awesome

Some people are born to do amazing things.

I am not one of those people.

Unfortunately, my parents were unaware of this fact, instead believing their child would grow up to be a star, as most parents do. After much debate, it was decided that my particular stardom would take the form of a world-class athlete. I was promptly enrolled in gymnastics. But, possessing neither the strength nor the coordination required to excel in such a sport, my results were less than inspiring.

Instructor: "Ummm, Ok. Let's start with Brittany."

Sensing my future was unlikely to include a sea of adoring fans chanting my name as I vaulted my way to victory over the other glitter adorned gymnasts, my parents switched me to soccer. Requiring significantly less flexibility, it initially appeared as though I possessed a real talent for it.

But despite my best intentions, it was obvious I wasn’t on track to become the next David Beckham.  Unlike the other children, I possessed the attention span of a goldfish. 

Not to be disheartened, my parents persisted. Nothing was going to stop their little girl from achieving her potential. I was encouraged to try out for every single sport during middle school. It did not go well.
  

Not wanting to let my parents down, I signed up for the only sport that didn’t require tryouts: Track and Field. Surely there was an event that would require only minimal levels of coordination, be compatible with a short attention span, and enable a gangly teenager with abnormally long legs to blend in. 

Yes, there was. 

As it turned out, being able to almost walk over the hurdles gave me a distinct advantage. I was a hurdling machine. My future as a world class athlete was coming into focus and nothing was going to stand in my way. Not the other hurdlers, not my own clumsiness, and certainly not the class five hurricane with gale force winds that had just rolled into town. Just kidding. Austin is too far inland to get hit by a hurricane, but still, had there been one, it sure as hell wasn't going to stand in my way.

 In the end, there was no need for a hurricane, I managed to do it all on my own.

My parents never mentioned being a superstar again.