Sunday, August 19, 2012

You Only Wish You Were This Awesome

Some people are born to do amazing things.

I am not one of those people.

Unfortunately, my parents were unaware of this fact, instead believing their child would grow up to be a star, as most parents do. After much debate, it was decided that my particular stardom would take the form of a world-class athlete. I was promptly enrolled in gymnastics. But, possessing neither the strength nor the coordination required to excel in such a sport, my results were less than inspiring.



girls

Instructor: "Ummm, Ok. Let's start with Brittany."



Sensing my future was unlikely to include a sea of adoring fans chanting my name as I vaulted my way to victory over the other glitter adorned gymnasts, my parents switched me to soccer. Requiring significantly less flexibility, it initially appeared as though I possessed a real talent for it.



But despite my best intentions, it was obvious I wasn’t on track to become the next David Beckham.  Unlike the other children, I possessed the attention span of a goldfish. 




Not to be disheartened, my parents persisted. Nothing was going to stop their little girl from achieving her potential. I was encouraged to try out for every single sport during middle school. It did not go well.
  



Not wanting to let my parents down, I signed up for the only sport that didn’t require tryouts: Track and Field. Surely there was an event that would require only minimal levels of coordination, be compatible with a short attention span, and enable a gangly teenager with abnormally long legs to blend in. 

Yes, there was. 



As it turned out, being able to almost walk over the hurdles gave me a distinct advantage. I was a hurdling machine. My future as a world class athlete was coming into focus and nothing was going to stand in my way. Not the other hurdlers, not my own clumsiness, and certainly not the class five hurricane with gale force winds that had just rolled into town. Just kidding. Austin is too far inland to get hit by a hurricane, but still, had there been one, it sure as hell wasn't going to stand in my way.





 In the end, there was no need for a hurricane, I managed to do it all on my own.




My parents never mentioned being a superstar again. 

27 comments:

  1. Funny! I tell my only child every day that my hopes and dreams depend on her and she better put me in a super nice home! Joking! Kinda... :-)

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  2. Ditto, at least your tried. I never tried anything, and I'll always wonder if I could have been good at a sport.

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  3. Love your drawings - especially your parents. Funny story. Certainly your are the superstar of dumb stuff drawn! I enjoyed it, and will visit again!

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  4. Love the pics. Don't all parents think their babies are geniuses and superstars?? Very fun piece. Erin

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  5. This was so fun to read! I love the cartoons. A great story!

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  6. While watching the Olympics, I had images of me doing the same thing as these talented athletes danced over hurdles! Love your drawings!

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  7. What a hilarious post! Love the pics.

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  8. Hahahah I was not a graceful child, either. No gymnastics or hurdling for me.

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  9. The picture of you with the ridiculously long legs almost made me spit out my wine.

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  10. I was wondering how clumsiness and hurdles worked together. :) Funny post. Ellen

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  11. Love the drawings! And yes, at least you gave it a good go. And clearly, you did fund your talent!

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  12. This is hilarious. Love the pics. And, hey, at least you stuck to it to make sure you weren't athletic. ;-P

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  13. The hurdles. Dear heavens. You were brave. That's almost as terrifying and coordination building as leaping off one of those platforms in a dive. Loved the drawings. The first one of a crumpled you made me slightly jealous. My back is so tight these days, I'd love to be able to contort mine as such.

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  14. This is hilarious! I could never do the hurdles! I don't like sports, but I love games ;)

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  15. Too funny! I am very glad that my parents never saw an athlete in me because I guarantee there isn't one even trying to hide in there. it was probably the look of "are you flippin' insane" I got on my face when they asked me things like, "Would you like to play volleyball?"

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  16. This was very funny, I love how you tell your story with the drawings, it's brilliant! A very fun read!

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  17. Oh, your soccer story reminded me so much of my kids. They ran the wrong way and picked flowers in the field too. You are not alone.

    This was hilarious! Great post and I love the pics.

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  18. Love love love this. I haVe a huge smile on my face and it's because of this. I love the picture of your parents at soccer trying to get you to go the other way. Perfect.

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    Replies
    1. Glad I could make you all laugh. Making fun of myself never fails to amuse me.

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  19. Haha, I am a huge clutz, sometimes your talent lies elsewhere, like drawing pictures =)

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  20. I think it's so sweet that your parents kept encouraging you! Funny post!

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  21. Haha, great post!
    At least you gave it all a shot!

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  22. Love this! I am the same way! My mom still makes fun at any of my attempts at athleticism! (I had to spell check that word I am so unfamiliar with it ha ha!)

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  23. Ohhhh we parents we do try. I think every parent has dreams for their child. I also think we think we just keep trying til one clicks. We are currently on soccer and the attention of a goldfish... yeah not far from that either. Professional athlete is not my vision but the hope and prayers that dandelion picker is not in their future I beg!!!! Loved the drawings. Fun to read!!

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